Am I Sure?

"Don't trust your mind.  It's not always listening." 
-Katie Melua


The other day I read an magazine article about my teacher that did not portray him in a very good light.  The article concerned a long-ago discussion that he had had with a famous peace activist.  As the author described it, this took place at an organized public event and there was a small audience in attendance.   However nothing went as planned.  The discussion began awkwardly and then quickly turned into a heated argument about, of all things, compassion.  What's more, my teacher is portrayed as the instigator of that argument.

When I first read this, I wasn't upset or even disappointed in my teacher.  In fact I smiled a little and decided, "well, this proves he is human and sometimes he can speak as unskillfully as anyone else."    That evening I brought the magazine to my sangha and read parts of the article to make that very point.

Then someone in the group gently pointed out that maybe the author's description of the event was inaccurate. She reminded us that often our teacher will speak very directly, like "the diamond that cuts through illusion" to make sure that others fully receive the impact of what he is saying.   Perhaps in this discussion he knew exactly what he was doing and was choosing his words in a way that was appropriate to the situation.  

As I thought about what she said, I began to see the article differently.  After all, this event took place decades ago.  Maybe the author did not perceive it correctly.  Maybe his memory of what happened was faulty.  Our teacher's recollection of the event is not described in the article so we don't have his perspective.  Taking all this into account, I realized that I had failed to give my teacher the benefit of the doubt.

I like the phrase, "benefit of the doubt".  It reminds me that doubt can be a gift that we give to someone before judging them or thinking harshly of them.  Under the right circumstances and in the right proportion, doubt is an act of compassion and loving-kindness.

Certainty, on the other hand, has gotten me into trouble more times that I can count.  Usually when I become angry, it is because I am absolutely convinced that I am right and someone else is wrong.  I don't stop to consider the other person's point of view.  I just go ahead and charge in.  The result is suffering both for the other person and for myself.

My teacher says that doubt is an important part of our practice.  He is always instructing his followers to ask ourselves, "am I sure?"  I would probably do myself a big favor by having that little teaching tattooed on my forehead in reverse lettering so I could see it every time I looked in the mirror. 

On second thought, maybe I'll just use a sharpie.


Bowing to my teacher
Bowing to all Buddhas to be

Let's go Pens

hb