I guess you could say I became a buddhist because I wanted to go out on a date.
About ten years ago I was involved with a leftist political group and I was trying to get the attention of one of the women I worked with. Problem was she was a little intimidating. She had travelled around the world, spoke several languages, had lived on a boat for a year and she had met some famous and important people. Me, I was nothing special. Single father of a four year old. Decent sense of humor but not particularly attractive. As for foreign travel experience, well, let's just say I had really enjoyed my trip to Toronto.
I wanted to get her to notice me a little; I wanted her to think I wasn't just another guy. From talking to her I knew she had an interest in Buddhism so I went online, internet-searched Pittsburgh and Buddhism, found a sangha and started sitting with them. I told people that I wanted to be happier and more compassionate.
So that was my idea: I was sure that if I were a buddhist and talked to her about Buddhism then she would decide to date me.
Did my plan work? Of course not. It failed spectacularly. She never did go out with me but we did become friends. Did this experience teach me anything about how not to ask a woman out? Probably. I hope so.
The funny thing was, I didn't stop being a buddhist. Even after that woman had left Pittsburgh, moved to another city, got a new job and a new boyfriend, I kept going to sit with the sangha. I started a daily practice. I bought a zafu, read some of our teacher's books, attended retreats. And as time went on I found that I honestly enjoyed my practice. I decided I was a real buddhist after all.
I wouldn't say that I changed paths. It seems more likely that I simply learned what path I was really on. I thought I was lying when I told people that I wanted happiness and compassion, but then I discovered that was true. What I thought was the truth of my practice, that I was just trying to impress someone, turned out to be false. It wouldn't be the last time that Buddhism turned my perspective upside down and inside out.
Why did I become a buddhist? I guess it's complicated. Why does anyone do anything? A couple of months ago my son, who is fourteen and should know better, stuck an airsoft bb so far into his ear that I had to take him to an ENT specialist to have it sucked out. "Why on earth did you do that?" I asked him. I'm still waiting for an answer.
